DUMB & DUMBER — SPORTS EDITION

Lefty, Stafford, and NFL “Race Norming”

It’s that time again, when we pause for a moment to reflect on the dumb mistakes we’ve made that ended up being oh so costly. Here are a few new examples of what not to do. (But here’s one thing you SHOULD do: subscribe! And share!)

Quick update to the last Dumb & Dumber: The “Dumbest,” the Ohio mayor who suggested that ice fishing could lead to prostitution, has resigned.

“Dumb” is not the right word for what Vladimir Putin has done to Ukraine, but it will cost him dearly. Unfortunately, it will also cost many innocent people the ultimate price. Read Ian Bremmer’s column for a blunt assessment of what just happened.

Back here in the good ol’ US of A, one of the truly dumb moments during coverage of the invasion occurred when CNN ran an Applebee’s ad as air raid sirens went off.

In the meantime…

I’m focusing on sports in this D&D because, well, you’ll see.

SPORTS STUPIDITY

DUMB — Matthew Stafford’s Quarterback Sneak-Away

Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford/Icon Sportswire

Forget the fact that there were more homeless people than Rams fans at the parade in Los Angeles for the new Super Bowl champions. During the festivities, team photographer Kelly Smiley was snapping photos of quarterback Matthew Stafford while she stood perilously close to the edge of a stage.

She took a step back and fell.

It’s a heart-stopping moment, as Smiley hits the ground eight feet below, fracturing her spine.

Kelly Stafford, the quarterback’s wife, reacts like any normal human being would, rushing forward to see if Smiley is okay. Matthew, on the other hand, immediately turns away.

It’s really weird. Like, how is that an instinctive reaction? Is that a quarterback thing? Turning away from brutal physical contact?

Fortunately, it looks like Smiley will recover, and the Rams announced that the team, along with Stafford and his wife, are covering her medical bills.

Stafford later apologized on his wife’s podcast (a safe space) and said, “I wish I had a better reaction in the moment… I didn’t.” Go to the 12:50 mark.

A great many people were rooting for Stafford to win the Super Bowl after wasting away in Detroit for 12 seasons. He won the game, but now he may have lost the opportunity to cash in on it with endorsements.

DUMBER — Big Blue Bummer

Michigan lost big to rival Wisconsin in men’s college basketball last weekend, and Wolverines coach Juwan Howard was visibly angry about a timeout called by the Badgers in the last few seconds, when the game was clearly decided.

Michigan head coach Juwan Howard/John Fisher, Getty Images

Howard seemed to avoid joining the post-game handshake line — the traditional show of good sportsmanship — but when he finally did join in, he exchanged terse words with Wisconsin coach Greg Gard. Gard claims that Howard pulled down his mask to say, “I’ll remember that,” and tapped him on the chest.

Suddenly fists were flying. Well, Howard’s fist flew, and he clocked Gard’s assistant coach, Joe Krabbenhoft. A few players naturally took this as a sign that they could start brawling, too.

Howard was suspended for the rest of the season and fined $40,000 (Gard has been fined $10,000), but as my Bulletin colleague Ron Mott writes in his column “Sportsopoly,” this is not the first time Howard’s lost his cool:

“Last season he was ejected from a game against Maryland for approaching their bench area during a stoppage in play to share heated words with then-Terrapins coach Mark Turgeon. Howard's assistants were forced, repeatedly (there's that word again), to hold and push him back from charging ahead any further. Similarly sad scene. Different location.”

As Ron writes, “Leaders must lead.” Howard eventually apologized and has managed to keep his job, even as the team’s record remains mediocre. Just like his leadership.

DUMBERER — The Olympics Lose Gold... And Silver... And Even Bronze

I mean, what is there to say. Worst ratings ever. Uyghurs. Russians. Mike Tirico tells the Athletic that the Olympic movement needs a refresh. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m looking forward to a four-year break.

ROC skater Kamila Valieva/Anadolu Agency, Getty Images

DUMBERERER — “Race Norming” in the NFL

You’re not gonna believe this. The NFL used a different formula to determine cognitive function for Black former players when assessing how much to pay them as part of a $1 billion settlement over play-induced dementia.

The money shot, literally/Kohjiro Kinno, Getty Images

NPR writes that the league’s definition of race-norming ”assumes Black players start with lower cognitive function. That makes it harder to show they suffer from a mental deficit linked to their playing days.”

Some players naturally consider this wrong, and they sued. The Athletic now reports that the league — in the year of our Lord 2022!! — will soon amend the settlement so that it’s race neutral.

DUMBEST — Lefty Loses

Either the NFL or the Olympics probably should be named the dumbest, but Phil Mickelson committed a brain fart of epic proportions that is already impacting his future endorsement income.

We learned this week that Phil is not a big fan of the Saudis, but that won’t stop him from taking their money.

Everyone’s favorite photo of Phil/Augusta National

In an interview with Alan Shipnuck, who is writing an unauthorized biography of the golfer, “Lefty” talked about hitching his fortunes to the House of Saud as the kingdom creates its own series of pro tournaments to compete with the PGA Tour. Phil’s fully onboard with the Saudi Golf League, even though he calls it “sportwashing” by the regime. What follows is a verbal triple bogey:

“They’re scary mother******s to get involved with,” he told Shipnuck about Saudi officials. “We know they killed [Washington Post reporter and U.S. resident Jamal] Khashoggi and have a horrible record on human rights. They execute people over there for being gay. Knowing all of this, why would I even consider it? Because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reshape how the PGA Tour operates.”

Wow. I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I’m no fan of Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, but I also have no plans to take his money. I guess in Phil’s mind, the enemy of his enemy is his friend.

Mickelson apologized and said the comments were off the record. Shipnuck says Phil never went off the record. Who cares? If you think someone is awful, don’t take their money. If you wanna take their money anyway, keep your mouth shut.

It’s not clear when we will see Mickelson play again. His last professional appearance was — wait for it — the Saudi International earlier this month. But Lefty has left money on the table. Longtime sponsor KPMG has cut ties with the champion, along with Amstel Light. The KPMG decision is an interesting move, because back in 2013, when the accounting firm was going through its own scandal involving insider trading, Phil didn’t walk away. Maybe because they kept paying him. And hey, at least KPMG wasn’t killing people for being gay.

SOMETHING WONDERFUL — Sports > Politics

Sports can transcend politics, and despite the many legitimate complaints about the Olympics, one moment is bigger than all of that.

Days before Russia invaded Ukraine, Oleksandr Abramenko won Ukraine's first-ever medal of the Winter Olympics — a silver in the freestyle skiing men’s aerials event. Winning bronze was Russian skier Ilia Burov, who congratulated Abramenko with a bear hug.

These are the Olympics I’m looking for.

Burov hugs Abramenko/Cameron Spencer, Getty Images

By the way, my colleague Antonio Mora and I rant about all of this, plus Marjorie Taylor Greene and Kamala Harris, in a Facebook Live. Check it out!

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