An Ozempic Christmas

Is this magic injection the greatest gift ever?

Ozempic/Novo Nordisk

Hello there! I’m back. At least for Christmas. Think of it as the gift you didn’t know you wanted.

While I’ve been off enjoying a respite from Wells $treet, so much has happened!

Elon Musk is President. The world’s richest man has somehow circumvented the U.S. Constitution’s rule that America’s CEO has to be a “natural born” citizen. (Isn’t it strange that Matt Gaetz can be President, but people like Elon cannot?)

Meantime, Joe Biden, “our greatest living President,” is, technically, living, but he hasn’t been very present as President for four years.

Elsewhere, a suspected murderer accused of killing a healthcare CEO in cold blood has a fan club. Several, in fact. But in a strange and prescient twist, Luigi Mangione’s grandmother left a $30 million fortune to her children and grandchildren, money they could access as long as they weren’t charged with a crime. Doh! But that’s okay. Others are stepping in to raise money for Luigi’s defense, because shooting Brian Thompson in the back (when you’re not even one of his customers!) is a heroic act.

And celebrities — they steal like us! An investigation by Business Insider claims rapper Lil Wayne obtained millions of taxpayer dollars from Covid grants meant to help struggling musicians and concert venues survive the pandemic. In Lil Wayne’s case, “surviving” apparently included flights on private jets, lavish parties, expensive clothes, and hotel rooms for various women, “including a waitress at a Hooters-type restaurant and a porn actress.” Not Hooters, mind you, but Hooters-type.

By the way, if you wanna join Lil Wayne in waste, you can now buy a fancy $75 diaper to wear in the mosh pit at concerts so you never have to miss a minute of the action. Genius.

The “Pit Diaper”/Liquid Death

Which brings me to the reason why I’ve emerged from my cocoon to write a column. The story I’m about to tell you involves people sometimes running to the bathroom.

‘Tis the season to gain 10 pounds.

Unless you’re on Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro or Zepbound. (These names.)

America is facing a slimmer holiday, one that could impact the food and beverage industry. Will it last? One study shows most people are quitting these blockbuster GLP-1 drugs within two years.

Why would they quit?

“I think people get lazy,” says Robin Masters, a registered nurse and pharma executive who’s been on Ozempic for two years. “There’s a lot of things that go into being a successful Ozempic patient, not just taking the medication.”

Let’s put a pin in that for now.

A year ago, Goldman Sachs suggested the market for GLP-1 drugs could reach a staggering $100 billion by 2030. New Scientist calls these medications the “Taylor Swift of pharmaceuticals.”

Their popularity is growing even though the drugs are very expensive, insurance often doesn’t cover the cost for weight loss purposes, cheaper versions created by compound pharmacies have been criticized, and taking the medication requires injections (ew, needles).

Even so, food companies are quaking in fear at the prospect of a skinnier America. A survey by ADM of 1,500 GLP-1 patients found that two out of three “have fewer cravings for sweet foods.” They’re also snacking less in between meals.

This is bad for potato chips and pie.

At the same time, the ADM survey shows that the GLP-1 craze creates an opportunity for food manufacturers to capitalize on the desire of many patients to find foods that “support” their new lifestyle. More than four out of five patients would find products marketed to their needs “appealing.” An increasing number of them are also looking for plant-based proteins and probiotics. Time to sprinkle some pea protein on those potato chips! Oh look, someone already did.

“The demand and supply of these drugs have exceeded all expectations, and the momentum driving the market suggests they are highly likely to become a permanent feature of the food landscape,” writes Nicholas Fereday, executive director at Rabobank, the agriculture industry’s leading bank. Fereday says scientists keep finding new uses for GLP-1s. “(T)he weight loss effects of these drugs might ultimately prove to be their least remarkable feature.” Case in point: Zepbound has just been approved to treat sleep apnea.

However, not everyone’s a fan.

The lawsuits have started.

Dependence on drugs like Ozempic is pitting Elon Musk against RFK Jr.

Also, the drugs don’t always work.

Which brings me back to Robin Masters, the nurse who started taking Ozempic two years ago. “In my early 40s, I was doing triathlons,” she tells me. But then she started suffering from severe fatigue. “I couldn’t even walk on a treadmill.” She was losing muscle mass. It took years to figure out what was happening. Doctors removed her gallbladder. Nope, that wasn’t it.

It turned out that she was suffering from insulin resistance. (Insulin is the hormone that delivers glucose — energy — to our cells.)

When her ailment was finally figured out, she started on Ozempic, which not only regulated her insulin, but got Robin back into fighting form. She lost 20% of her body weight.

Robin also discovered that the drug alone would not solve her issues. “One of the biggest things I learned is that success with Ozempic is not just about taking the medication—it’s about balancing good nutrition, exercise, and education.”

Working with her endocrinologist, Robin makes sure that she eats a lot of high-quality protein. She feels better when she has three square meals a day of about 50% protein and 50% complex carbs. This avoids the side effects of GLP-1 drugs. “On days when (one) cheats… the body will cause havoc.”

Here are the side effects and how often they occur, according to the drug manufacturers, Novo Nordisk (Ozempic, Wegovy) and Eli Lilly (Mounjaro, Zepbound). In most cases, the higher the dosage, the worse the side effects.

Robin explains here what the first few weeks were like on Ozempic.

She tells me there have been some surprises. Ozempic has altered her taste buds when it comes to alcohol. She used to love red wine. Not so much now. “Lighter wines like Chardonnays are more tolerable than reds.”

But she says that’s fine. Two years in, Robin finds herself eating more slowly, and pushing the plate away sooner. She no longer feels the need to eat everything put in front of her. She’s stayed on a relatively low dose of .5 milligrams, and she exercises. “You can’t just be sedentary and take these medications and think it’s going to work.”

John Cronin agrees. The retired executive tells me that he’s been taking a different insulin resistance drug, Metformin, as part of a comprehensive diet and exercise program overseen by doctors. He’s lost 60 pounds in 15 months. “I can tell you categorically (that) the drugs speed things up, but diet, exercise, and permanent lifestyle change are required, too.”

So if this is your first holiday as a GLP-1 patient, Robin has some advice: Be mindful of what you consume around your injections. “You should not be drinking alcohol the day before you take one of these injections,” she warns. Nor should you drink the day of the injection or the day after, she adds. “It actually mitigates the efficacy of these medications.” Hey, she’s a nurse. I believe her. And she’s taking her own medicine, in essence, because Robin’s injection day will be Dec. 30th. So on New Year’s Eve, “I probably won’t drink that night.”

A small sacrifice.

If these drugs really are as miraculous as they seem, just wait until there is a cheaper generic version… in pill form. At that point, you might see the grocery store snack aisle shrink, or at least change. You might see restaurants highlight menu items that are GLP-1 friendly. And go long on Imodium shares (Johnson & Johnson).

Still, Ozempic “is not an easy crutch,” Robin says. “You’ve got to work with it.” But working with it properly could make America healthier and bring down healthcare costs, and that would be a Christmas present for everyone.

🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅